Labor Day Weekend

I cannot believe I am sitting here writing that it is Labor Day weekend. The summer just flew by--I honestly feel like it was just Memorial Day weekend. It looks like God is going to give an awesome weekend of weather to finish up the summer--so be sure to enjoy.

An update on Jason--Only 3 more days until he turns 30 years old (Sept. 2nd) and he has been feeling great. He actually told me last week that "this is the most normal I have felt since this all started in January". Wouldn't it just be awesome if the drugs really are taking affect after only one treatment?! His second treatment is coming up on Tuesday, Sept 2nd here in Midland--yeah! He even gets to teach the first day of school because his appointment isn't until 3:00 in the afternoon. Our next trip to Duke is Sept. 22nd & 23rd. He will see the doctors, have his MRI read, get his 3rd treatment, and take the neuropsychological testing. Really looking forward to seeing and hearing the results of his MRI this time around--for some reason I believe that God has something special up His sleeve--this, by the way, is the first time I am not dreading Jason's MRI results--I am hopeful this time.

I'll leave you today with an entry that I read yesterday from my devotion book written by Beth Moore titled "Breaking Free Day by Day":

We have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

Here is my personal checklist of Scriptures and evaluations that I seek to apply to my life on a regular basis:

• Is my most important consideration in every undertaking whether or not God could be glorified? (1 Cor. 10:31)
• Do I desire God's glory or my own? (John8:50, 54)
• In my service to others, is my sincere hope that they will somehow see God in me? (1 Pet. 4:10-11)
• When I am going through hardships, do I turn to God and try to cooperate with Him so He can use them for my good and for His glory? (1 Pet. 4:12-13)

Have a blessed weekend and be sure to praise our Lord for such a glorious weekend! Joslyn

"Deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me"

We just got a new senior pastor at our church, and this past weekend was his first sermon with our congregation. Boy oh boy, did it feel like he was talking right to me--you know the feeling I'm talking about--everything that comes out of the pastor's mouth is something that you are either dealing with, wrestling against, or resisting completely. That was me this past Sunday.

It really was a good sermon for me to hear. I have been struggling, battling, etc-whatever you want to call it--these past few weeks. Heck, if I'm real honest the past few months. I was cruising right along with my relationship with God, feeling pretty good with where I was at in my relationship with God, and then along came this huge mountain, Jason's cancer, that I encountered. Quite honestly, I didn't and still don't know what the heck to do with this news about Jason. I know that I can't dwell on it and think about it all the time or it will drive me insane but I also can't pretend that it's not there. There's this balance that I have yet to find and maybe won't find if I continue to try and do it alone. That last statement is where I find myself today. I have been avoiding God these past few months--I have avoided talking to Him or seeking out His advice through His word on our situation. I have not abandoned God--I'm still praying for God to help out all of my friends and family that are dealing with their own elephants--I'm just ignoring the big huge elephant that is in the room because I don't want to deal with it or come to peace with it. I have been selfish and self-centered in my approach with God. This relationship with God is not just my relationship, it is "our relationship--God & I" I have not given any thought to what is it that God wants from our relationship. What is He trying to share with me? Who am I supposed to be helping? What am I supposed to be doing? When am I supposed to do it? Where am I supposed to do it? And, how am I supposed to do it? I won't ever find the answers to these questions if I am not even willing to ask the questions of God. I have not been obedient in following Jesus' commands in Luke 9:23:
Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."

What does it mean to "deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me"? Our Pastor had some wonderful words to describe what this means and I probably won't due it justice but I will try. In a nutshell, "deny himself" can be substituted with "it's not about me". Start thinking about someone or something other than yourself. "Take up his cross daily" doesn't mean walking around with a gloomy look on his face and thinking that it's all about misery like many of us Christians do. It means to wake up daily ready to see and live life with Christ rather than without. "Follow me" is probably one of the hardest things to do because it goes against our natural, sinful nature. We want things to be easy, self-satisfying, and without any hurdles. To follow Christ is to do it even when it's hard to do. Following God often is not easy, is not self-satisfying, and has many hurdles. The devil will try anything to foul you up, make you second guess God's path for you, or even make you out to look like the bad guy in any given situation.

So how did God speak to me about how He views our relationship--through this sermon. It took someone else asking the questions for me to finally realize that God wants to be a player in our relationship rather than a spectator. HE wants me to stop being so self-absorbed to think that I can handle this all by myself, start waking up in the morning and conversing with HIM first about what it is that I am supposed to be doing with HIM that day, and following what HE has called me to do for that day even when it is hard. May peace be with you all. Joslyn

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR!

Taylor, You are getting to be such a big girl and we can hardly believe that you are 5 years old--it seems like yesterday that we were holding you in our arms and now you're getting ready for your first year in school. We hope that you like your new "big girl room" and that you have a wonderful birthday today. May God bless you and shower His love on you! We love you. Mom, Dad & Easton

Taylor is turning 5

Our little girl is growing up way too fast:( She'll be turning 5 this Saturday and she is getting ready to start kindergarten. She's already informed me that she wants to ride the bus her first day and not have me take her to school--she's always been Miss Independent!

Jason and I are surprising Taylor on her birthday by making over her bedroom. We are painting her walls purple--her favorite color, getting her new bedding, curtains, and a Hanna Montana lamp. She should really like it and she won't see it until Saturday after her birthday party at the beach. She's looking forward to her big day.

All is well with Jason at this time. He's seeing Dr. Hurtubise on Wednesday next week and we should be able to schedule his next treatment to be done here in Midland on Sept. 2nd--what a wonderful birthday gift for Jason--not! Did you know he's turning 30 that day.

Hoping everyone has a great time these next couple of weeks before school starts up. Blessings, Jason & Joslyn

God is Good

We got news yesterday from our insurance company that they approved the avastin procedure! God is good and we just want to thank everyone that prayed about this for us. As of right now, we are keeping Jason's appointment for Spet. 2 scheduled at Duke until we know 100% that we can get into his local onocolgist without delaying his treatment schedule. We will still go to Duke Sept. 22nd as well because this is when he will see the doctors, have his MRI read, get the neuropsych testing done, and receive his treatment. We do know that he will not have to be going to Duke every 3 weeks. Although, we don't know how often he will need to go back to see the doctors--we are thinking that the doctors are probably going to want to see him every 6 weeks. Hey, 6 weeks is better than 3 weeks.

Jason continued to feel well over the course of this past week. I am so glad that he is handling the treatment well right now--it's never fun seeing your loved one not feeling so well.

We hope that you enjoy your weekend. We are going to spend some time this weekend at the lake with our kiddos. Jason & Joslyn

Jason's first treatment went good yesterday. He felt fine the entire ride back to my mom and dad's house--an 11 hour drive. We arrived at there house around midnight and we will head back home today. I cannot wait to hold my babies--it's been over 5 days since we have seen Taylor and Easton and I am missing them. I will be driving once again as the doctors have made a recommendation that Jason not drive for the time being. They feel that with the increased swelling in his brain that it would be best to not drive until he is able to take the neuropsychological testing with the driving component to be sure that all is safe. With Jason's new treatment, the doctors anticipate the swelling to be reduced by his next MRI. We are going to schedule the neuropsych. testing for his Sept. 22nd trip to Duke.

I started getting the plans underway for Jason's next 2 trips back to Duke. His next treatment is scheduled for Sept. 2nd and we already have 2 free tickets for that trip--Praise God. Southwest Airlines donates tickets to Duke and patients are allowed to receive 1 set of tickets a year--one for the patient and one for the caregiver. Most likely, Jason's father will be going on that trip with him so that I can be home with Taylor and Easton for their first days of school. Taylor starts kindergarten and Easton starts preschool.

Jason's next clinic and treatment appointments are at Duke on Sept. 22nd. He will be having another MRI done in Midland prior to that appt. and we will bring it along with us for the doctors to review. The doctors are expecting changes to be seen with that MRI. They have seen good results with combining both the chemo drug and the Avastin drug.

Many of you may be wondering why Jason is going to Duke for his treatments. I explained a little bit in our last entry that the drug Avastin is not a FDA approved drug for brain cancer as of right now and our insurance may not cover the drug expense--a whopping $20,000 per dose! As you can see, that amount of money will add up extremely fast with Jason getting a dose every 3 weeks. We are working closely with our social workers at Duke to get this drug approved by our insurance company. If our insurance doesn't cover the expenses, Duke is large enough to absorb the cost while we are getting approved for a patient participate program where the company that the drug is made at will actually cover the cost for the patient as long as the patient's income does not exceed a certain amount. So Jason and I feel much more comfortable receiving his treatments at Duke knowing this information. If our insurance company does cover the drug then he will continue receiving his treatments in Midland. Please pray that our insurance company would see that this treatment is a necessary treatment for Jason as many of the other options that are approved by the FDA are not an option for Jason. Surgery is out of the question, he's already had the full amount of radiation that he can have, and the standard treatment of the chemotherapy Temodar was not working as the tumor is progressing now. We are praying that the insurance company will see that this is the best thing for Jason's health and that they will cover the drug.

I know that many of you would like to help in some way either through hotel points, airline miles, gas cards, etc. and we are grateful for all of you wonderful people. If this is something that you would like to offer please email me at joslynkrenzke@hotmail.com so that I may create a list of people that we can call upon if we indeed need to go to Duke every 3 weeks.

Thank you so much for all of your love, prayers, and offers to help. We feel very loved and that makes times like these much easier to handle. Jason and Joslyn

New treatment plan

There's never a good way to start communication when the news isn't good, so I'll just start. We met with the Duke doctors yesterday morning and they are switching up Jason's treatment because the tumor is growing with a significant increase in swelling. We stayed another night in Duke so that Jason could get his first round of treatment here at Duke. His new treatment is underway as I write this entry. He is now taking a intravenous chemotherapy along with a newer drug that is meant to stop the growth of new blood vessels which essentially starves the cancer cells. His treatments will be every 3 weeks and can last up to a year. We are not sure if we will need to fly to Duke every 3 weeks for the treatment to be completed or if we can do his treatments in Midland. It will depend on whether or not our insurance will cover the new medicine that Jason is taking as it is not currently approved for brain cancer--doctors say that it should be approved hopefully in 6 months. The drug is approved for a few different types of cancer already. I will be working on finding out as much information as possible over the next few days and will hopefully know if we will be flying out every 3 weeks. Most likely we will be coming to Duke for the next 2 treatments until all can be figured out.

I want all of you to know that Jason is still feeling very well. The doctors seem to be confident and hopeful with this new treatment. Please continue to pray for us as we determine where the best place is to continue his treatments, pray for Jason to continue to feel well over the coming weeks, pray that the medicines start to take effect immediately and stop the growth of the tumor, pray for shrinkage, and pray that we will find peace with all of the changes that may be coming our way. God has a plan for all of us--take comfort in that.

More pics

Easter morning, 2008. They look so cute.

Taylor at her ballet recital--I told you it was all about the flowers!

Pudge and Jason--guess he got that picture just in time before Pudge was traded to the Yankees.

Random Pictures

Easton's birthday. He shared his birthday with his cousins at the bowling alley. As you can see, he got a new car and some baseball items!

Mother like daughter!

Tigers game in June

What is FAITH?

I am not sure who wrote this so I am unable to give credit to that person. I found this to be a huge blessing right now, and I say thank you to the writer of this.

FAITH is BELIEVING the Word of God and acting on it no matter how I feel, believing that God will bring a good result.

FAITH is not a belief that everything will turn out to please us; rather it is the confidence that no matter how things turn out, God will somehow use the events in our days for His glory and for our good.

FAITH is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.

FAITH is being willing to trust God - turning your hopes and problems over to Him and trusting in His wisdom - and knowing that somehow everything will turn out for the best. No matter how difficult or dark things become, there is always a light.

FAITH is a living, daring confidence in God's grace, so sure and certain that a man could stake his life on it a thousand times.

FAITH is a reasoning trust, a trust which reckons thoughtfully and confidently upon the trustworthiness of God.

FAITH is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.

Sailfish is looking good

Jason's sailfish finally arrived this past Friday. A person kinda forgets just how big the thing is. When debating whether or not to get the fish mounted, never once did it cross our minds as to where we would put the thing. Well there were only 2 walls that it would fit on in our house, and they were both in our family room. So, Jason's sailfish is on display in our family room where anyone that comes to visit will be sure to see his magnificent catch! I have to admit, it does look pretty cool.

Better Now

Well the last day and a half have been eventful for us. Jason woke up early Friday morning feeling funny and not being able to sleep well. It continued to get worse for him throughout the day. When I returned home from work, he was feeling extremely exhausted, had headaches off and on, his thoughts were confused and he was a bit disoriented. I called a friend doctor of ours, and he said that I should take Jason to the emergency room. So we went there, and they started to administer a higher dose of his steroid due to some increased swelling in his brain. He started to feel much better about an hour later. He was admitted to the hospital for the night, and when I went to see him this morning, he was back to "normal". So the plan is to stay on the steroid until the swelling is back under control, and we will see what the doctors at Duke have to say on Aug. 11th.

We are now back home and it feels good. It's times like these that I get frustrated as things are completely out of my control, and all of you that know me, know that I like to be in control! Thank you Trina & Loren for watching our kids during the day yesterday and thank you Dennis & Lynda for taking the kids overnight. We appreciate all of your help and prayers. May God bless you! Joslyn & Jason