"Deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me"

We just got a new senior pastor at our church, and this past weekend was his first sermon with our congregation. Boy oh boy, did it feel like he was talking right to me--you know the feeling I'm talking about--everything that comes out of the pastor's mouth is something that you are either dealing with, wrestling against, or resisting completely. That was me this past Sunday.

It really was a good sermon for me to hear. I have been struggling, battling, etc-whatever you want to call it--these past few weeks. Heck, if I'm real honest the past few months. I was cruising right along with my relationship with God, feeling pretty good with where I was at in my relationship with God, and then along came this huge mountain, Jason's cancer, that I encountered. Quite honestly, I didn't and still don't know what the heck to do with this news about Jason. I know that I can't dwell on it and think about it all the time or it will drive me insane but I also can't pretend that it's not there. There's this balance that I have yet to find and maybe won't find if I continue to try and do it alone. That last statement is where I find myself today. I have been avoiding God these past few months--I have avoided talking to Him or seeking out His advice through His word on our situation. I have not abandoned God--I'm still praying for God to help out all of my friends and family that are dealing with their own elephants--I'm just ignoring the big huge elephant that is in the room because I don't want to deal with it or come to peace with it. I have been selfish and self-centered in my approach with God. This relationship with God is not just my relationship, it is "our relationship--God & I" I have not given any thought to what is it that God wants from our relationship. What is He trying to share with me? Who am I supposed to be helping? What am I supposed to be doing? When am I supposed to do it? Where am I supposed to do it? And, how am I supposed to do it? I won't ever find the answers to these questions if I am not even willing to ask the questions of God. I have not been obedient in following Jesus' commands in Luke 9:23:
Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."

What does it mean to "deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me"? Our Pastor had some wonderful words to describe what this means and I probably won't due it justice but I will try. In a nutshell, "deny himself" can be substituted with "it's not about me". Start thinking about someone or something other than yourself. "Take up his cross daily" doesn't mean walking around with a gloomy look on his face and thinking that it's all about misery like many of us Christians do. It means to wake up daily ready to see and live life with Christ rather than without. "Follow me" is probably one of the hardest things to do because it goes against our natural, sinful nature. We want things to be easy, self-satisfying, and without any hurdles. To follow Christ is to do it even when it's hard to do. Following God often is not easy, is not self-satisfying, and has many hurdles. The devil will try anything to foul you up, make you second guess God's path for you, or even make you out to look like the bad guy in any given situation.

So how did God speak to me about how He views our relationship--through this sermon. It took someone else asking the questions for me to finally realize that God wants to be a player in our relationship rather than a spectator. HE wants me to stop being so self-absorbed to think that I can handle this all by myself, start waking up in the morning and conversing with HIM first about what it is that I am supposed to be doing with HIM that day, and following what HE has called me to do for that day even when it is hard. May peace be with you all. Joslyn