Mixed emotions

It's been a while since I have really written much. Not that I haven't wanted to write, just not sure what to write--so I didn't write anything.

Today brings mixed emotions for me. Last year on this day, Jason got his very first MRI done. We had no idea about his cancer at this time and he was only getting the MRI done to rule out worst case scenarios at least that is what the doc said. I had actually been telling Jason to suck it up a little--all he was having were some headaches (heck, I have them daily--what's his deal). Can you imagine if he would have listened to me?! I'm so glad that he chose to ignore his wife that time and went with his gut feeling that something wasn't right (keep in mind, Jason thought he had a pinched nerve or something). After the doc ordered the MRI, I had a very yucky feeling from that day until we actually got "the call". Jason and I hadn't said anything to each other about the MRI until the day before we got the call. I looked at Jason when we were driving home from church and asked him the question that I hadn't been able to shake "what if it is a tumor?" Jason just looked at me and said, "it won't be."

On the 21st, Jason called me just as I was walking in the house from dropping Taylor off for preschool. When I saw his phone number show up, I knew the call wasn't going to be a good one. You know those feelings that you get--well that's what I had and as soon as I heard Jason's voice--I knew. He didn't have to say anything further, his voice said it all and that is when our lives flipped upside down.

So fast forward a year, and here we are on the 19th of January again and Jason is getting another MRI. I have been a bit anxious all day and suppose I won't really feel calm until we hear what the doctors at Duke say next Monday. So, now instead of waiting to hear that everything is just fine, we wait to hear whether the cancer is shrinking, stable, or progressing. The hardest part is the "not knowing" part. So the waiting begins--please pray for my nerves to be calm, my mind to have peace, and my heart to have comfort during this next week.

Blessings, Joslyn