opening up my soul

Have you ever felt like your heart is just about to leap out of your chest because of so much joy and happiness? I cannot explain to you the feelings that I have been having over the course of the last few days but can I just tell you that I feel like I'm going to explode from this indescribable feeling I have. God is and has been working mightily in me for the last few weeks and I can just feel the Holy Spirit about to take off through me. I have never felt so loved like I do this week. Don't get me wrong, I know that I am loved and that people care about me. There really is only one other time that I have sorta felt the kind of love that I am feeling these days and that was when my brother, Shaun, died in a car accident when I was 18. Our family had so many people there to support us and to love on us. It was an amazing feeling and one that I really didn't think that I would ever feel again. But can I just tell you that even with all the love I felt during that time in my life, I never felt the kind of love I feel today. God was not a part of my life then and I really didn't know if I would make it through that difficult period of time. The amount of love that I feel today is 10 times or maybe even 100 times more than I felt then. I can for 100% certainty tell all of you that the agape love that I have felt from God over the last year and especially the last few weeks & days is worth everything that I have ever gone through. I am right where I need to be in this time of my life and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. This may seem strange to some of you--heck, it even feels strange to me but there's really no words to describe what I am feeling. I want to make a difference in this world, I want to be a light to someone that is in complete darkness, and I want to not only be a believer in Jesus Christ but also a true follower of Jesus Christ. Boy is that hard to say to myself let alone share it so publicly with you all because that makes me vulnerable. Anyway, I have no clue what tomorrow may bring at the benefit dinner, but I can already tell you this--I feel your love today and I'm not even with all of you yet. There may be some huge tears on my part but please know that they are tears of absolute joy and happiness. Someone said to me today, "it's too bad that we couldn't have our funerals before we die because then we would know just how much we are loved," and just maybe knowing that love would make a difference in the rest of our lives. This is so true--why do we wait until someone is gone to let everyone know that we loved that person. I feel truly blessed to be going through this battle because we have had a chance to see just how many people love us and care for us. My hope is that all people would have the feeling this I have today, to know that they are loved no matter what, to know that this kinda of love comes from God. I am so proud to say that this is my God. Blessings, Joslyn