I've wanted to write but haven't really known what to write--does that make sense? I have so many thoughts and feelings right now that I don't know how to put any of into words. Many of you ask, "how are you doing?" I'm doing ok. I'm aware of the different emotions that are running through me and I'm trying to manage them in a way that works for me. Sometimes it means I feel like talking, sometimes it means I don't feel like talking, sometimes it means I want to laugh and joke, and yet sometimes, it means I want to cry, and on the list goes. So don't be surprised if you witness all of this in a day, or heck, even in an hour. I believe this is normal and acceptable and it means that I'm processing--that I'm not holding it all in and that is a good thing.

One of Jason's coworkers arranged a prayer service for our family last Sunday. I'll be honest--I didn't want to go at all, but I did anyway and I was blessed. There's something about having people put their hands on you and praying over you. And, it's even more powerful when it's people you don't expect to be there--to know that there are people praying all over this world for our family whether they know us intimately or just through this blog or a friend. Very humbling. It was really good for the kids too. At first, we weren't going to have the kids in the prayer service but at the last minute we went and got them. I believe we made the right choice. They got to see and feel the prayers of several others. I was worried that the kids would realize the seriousness of daddy's illness. That's an area that I try to be very conscious of--I want to be sure that our kids know about their dad's cancer and what that all entails, but I also don't want to scare them. Many people have asked us, "how are the kids doing?" The kids are doing really well. We haven't seen any changes in them that would indicate that they are not coping well. The kids know that Dad's cancer is back, that he is taking lots of medicine to try and get rid of it, and that he is going to be tired and need to rest more. They don't like it when he sleeps during the day but I try to remind them that he needs to in order to stay healthy. Taylor asked, "is he going to be on this medicine for the rest of his life?" I told her no but that he would be on it for a year. Her response, "well at least it's not the rest of his life." A year is a really long time for a 5 and 7 year old--please pray for them to understand that Dad wants to be playing with them but sometimes he just doesn't have the energy.

I'll try to be a bit better about updating but won't make any promises:)